Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
