I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This baby is an asshole
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize