Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
