I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
