Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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