you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i now understand why vodka
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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