I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
