trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
