apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
