I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
