Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
