So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
