Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
