are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
