I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
