dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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