I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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