Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm jealous of your bromance
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
