I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
