at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
