i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
