I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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