Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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