So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
