Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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