adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
