just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize