He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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