You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
