I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
