my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
