The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize