I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
