Four minutes until I can fart!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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