She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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