If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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