Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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