Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
