My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
