Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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