ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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