It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We need to rekindle our bromance
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
