I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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