Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
