Need sex. Gaining weight.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
