I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize