worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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