No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
