Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
