he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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