I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
