Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize