He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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