call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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