im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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