spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
