Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
