Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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