We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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