I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
