I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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