He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
