i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
