nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize