I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Bring me that man meat
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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