My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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