And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
