Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
