When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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