I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
