your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
