Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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