I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
