you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My ass is underappreciated
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
