I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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