____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
