another moral hangover. fuck.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
