K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
