Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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