But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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