dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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