I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
