he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize