He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
