Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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