Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize