Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
