After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
