It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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