I wanna bring you to show and tell
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
