well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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