I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
