Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
