shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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