Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
