Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
