Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
