Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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