So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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