Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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